Why I Continue

Yesterday afternoon I returned from a week in Nebraska.  Most of that time was spent with my extremely elderly parents, who are hanging on by a thread.  Still living in their own house, they are daily supported by my brother and his wife, and one of our neighbors who is a childhood friend.  The intention of my visit was to spend time with my parents, and to give their supporters a bit of relief.  The added bonus of this trip was my sister visiting at the same time.  I feel grateful for each visit I have with them, never knowing when it will be our last time together.  It’s also exhausting responding to the 24/7 cycle of repetitive comments and questions, exacerbated by diminished hearing and cognitive processing.  There were tender moments, too, such as tucking my 98-year-old dad into bed for the night.  

Being with them always brings my own mortality and aging process to the forefront of my mind.  One thing that happens is when I talk to people I haven’t seen for awhile, I get the same questions about retirement, if I’m still working, and why I’m still working.  It gives me the feeling that, at age 71, I should be kicking back, taking it easy, and doing things I enjoy instead of working.  Truth is, I still deeply love the work I do here at the Seed.  Being away, I appreciate the work even more, especially this week.

This morning I noticed my mailbox overflowing with cards, gift cards to Changing Hands, and LOTS of chocolate.  I received a handmade booklet of messages from students and families expressing their appreciation for my presence at the Seed.  On my desk was a gift bag containing two beautiful books, one called The Bonds We Share, full of 40 years of photos and descriptions of humans around the globe.  I opened the book to an image of people performing early morning ceremonies along the Ganga River in Varanasi, India, a place I had visited and fell in love with four years ago.  Inside was a lovely message from a family I’ve come to love and appreciate immensely this year.  This outpouring of appreciation provided the answer to why I continue to work, when a vast majority of my age peers are winding down their careers. 

Ultimately, when I helped co-found the school in 1977, I made a commitment to not only starting, but sustaining Awakening Seed.  One aspect of making this happen is building a community of staff members who are also committed to educating the whole child, promoting planetary stewardship, and becoming co-conspirators for social justice.  At this point, I believe my contribution to the Seed community is still needed and valued.  I also believe that I’ll know when it’s time to go.  Until then, I’ll keep at it, showing up for this place and the people who make this life worth living. 

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